Cats, Kids, and a Barberry

I've never liked children much, noisy, cocky, irritating little bastards most of them. Middle class children are never naughty according to their parents, they are just frustrated because their so intelligent and their schools don't push them enough or appreciate their 'free spirit'. Total shite of course because these same parents never notice the brilliance in other people's offspring, I have always been amazed at the poisonous competitiveness of a huge element of parents, and I've never been quite sure whether this is better than those parents who don't give a toss. Mini-me or not Mini-me, I, according to my mother took after her family whenever I did something that pleased her, when I was naughty, stupid or plain rude it was 'Your just like our father'.... funny that.

If you wish to keep kids out of your garden there is no finer boundary hedge than today's image 'Berberis gagnepainii' it is unbelievably efficient at keeping them out and administering quite a painful injury for good measure. it will also burst even the toughest leather stitched football, and the prunings, lightly forked into your top soil or laid over the border surface will inflict pain and deter most pooh happy pussies when they try and crap in your garden. It is a multifunctional plant with pretty yellow flowers, black berries, and a blue bloom on the fruit, it's growth is erect, strong, and impenetrably dense. This fine barberry was discovered by Ernest Wilson in Western China about 1904, and I suspect he also disliked cats and children.