Horticultural Colleges

The following is an article I was asked to write for the 'Lakeland Horticultural Society' unfortunately they were not prepared to print it for editorial reasons, not least being causing offence to their local horticultural college, thereby losing revenue.

I have been in this business for nigh on forty years; I am not a writer but a reasonably successful gardener, propagator, and nurseryman. The views I hold are held through first hand experience and probably apply in other professions as well as horticulture, however, my living is made by putting my money where my mouth is, I grow plants in a nursery garden setting, if they are inferior or the garden atmosphere is wrong then I don't make a living I go bust, my colours are nailed firmly to the mast.

Horticultural colleges and garden design courses in the main are shite, totally inadequate, and run more for the careers of the college hierarchy and tutors than for the students. I would have thought such an illustrious publication as the LHS would have been a little more prepared to debate such a contentious opinion from someone in the business no matter how earthy the style. If colleges can't cope with the criticism from someone who's expected to employ their final product then how will they ever change? When I go round horticultural societies and give talks I notice above all else the age of the members, unless societies engage more with the young or tackle relevant issues and refrain from boring the balls off a badger the average age will continue to climb. Perhaps 'dumbing down' is no bad thing when what you're dumbing down from has a wide vein of po faced snobbery running through it. Perhaps therein lies the problem; Do horticultural colleges get caught between teaching the basics and the academic? Do their courses encompass too much in too short a time? Or is it the old adage 'those that can.... do, those that can't....teach'.....who knows? But it's a debate that needs opening up sooner rather than later.



Where have all the Indians gone?

Some years ago I ranted on about garden makeovers. I take nothing back. We've had Bubble-ponds and decking....what's next? I'll tell you...Balls! Balls are big business. Big ones, small ones, glazed ones, even terracotta or Indian stone ones! They're ornaments; you sit them in your border and look at them, which is nice! I thought the one my friend had in his garden was a Childs football and gave it a hearty toe-poke which resulted in the fracture of two toes, masses of pain, and a rather jaundiced view of garden knick-knacks.
Another perennially popular ornament is a dog's bum. You know the things, no head but a cute backside with erect tail sticking up cheekily to amuse. There's also part buried Goblins and the ever present piddling, fishing or smiling Gnomes. I can hardly contain my merriment when I spy them peeping out from amongst respectable but embarrassed garden plants...even shrubs are entitled to a degree of dignity. I'd toyed with the idea entering a wheelbarrow full of warm, steaming manure for the Turner prize this year as a first for Horticultural concept art; however, it was a crap idea! After all gardeners are not meant to have the intelligence for humour, we're all simple rustics who talk with a slow oooh aaar accent, suck on a straw and wear long johns (well the last bits right).

This image of the stereotypical dung-head gardener should annoy me...but it doesn't, truth is I'd rather employ one village idiot with enthusiasm and a willingness to learn than ten paper-qualified, over-certificated, clean-handed, no-use-to-anyone, articles that the Horticultural colleges are sending out.

What are they teaching them?

Bugger all, that's what!

Gordon Long is my partner at Eggleston Hall Gardens (in business...phew! ...one has to be careful these days with the word partner....I'm very fond of Gordon but a snog is definitely off the agenda) Both Gordon and myself in our respective positions have taken on young gardeners with a host of qualifications. In our opinion they are almost hopeless to a person, sadly I wouldn't employ some of their tutors so what chance for their students?

We are employers, we want good foundations in our staff, but they're not being laid. Why? What are they teaching them? I really don't know. Is it the quality of student coming through from the schools? Inept tutors? Is it abysmally low pay and a lack of status? Perhaps it's TV gardeners sterilising the nuts and bolts of genuine horticulture? Or maybe a combination of all these things is to blame.

My view is simple. We'll look at anyone with a genuine interest in gardening. Qualifications from most Horticultural colleges would put me off. They need to realise that makeovers are not real gardening, it's a long learning curve with no final end....you never stop learning, you'll sweat, get your hands filthy, ache, itch, and be tired, often all at the same time, and in summer it will be seven days a week. That's the reality. That's gardening as a vocation as opposed to a hobby. When, and only when it is made clear to students this is the investment required, will worthwhile gardeners start to appear. And we have two excellent home-grown young women (Helen & Louise) and one young man (Robert) with us to prove it. Trained here, they will tackle any horticultural challenge or situation, and succeed because they are accomplished, confident, and take pride in their work because they are encouraged, given real responsibility, trusted and listened to by ourselves. Most importantly there is nothing they do or are shown to do that they don't see Gordon and I doing ourselves, we talk to them straight, never downwards or patronisingly and work alongside them, this builds esteem and morale and imparts an almost family feel to our relationship. There is no paperwork, no classroom work plans, no out of the box ideas, initiatives and strategies, just plain and simple hands on gardening, because no matter what, at the start of the day someone somewhere has to take their jacket off (not during lectures for the 'look at me getting down to matters' effect), roll up their sleeves and get stuck into the practical. The world will soon be full of talkers, consultants, advisors, and big chiefs; soon we'll be up to our necks in graduates and pop stars. Which begs the question....Where have all the Indians gone?

There has never been a more relevant time outside of the Second World War where the need for practical horticultural (gardening) experience was needed. Unfortunately it is not being taught at schools no matter what Deirdre from Drama and her window box of loose leafed lettuce may tell you.

Real gardening is not being taught, few families grow food, and few grandfathers have an allotment to inspire their grandchildren so we return to 'foundations' and how we encourage and promote gardening. I believe it must always be 'Hands on' and through experience in the first instance, perhaps times of a little more austerity might unify us as a nation and create out of necessity a climate in which our relationship with plants can be taught properly by teachers with practical and proven skills in the subject instead of pieces of paper and fancy words. If I was choosing a horticultural tutor/teacher I would firstly want to see his or her own garden. It would tell me far more than any spurious degree, diploma or certificate. There may come a time in the near future when we have to resurrect the old 'Dig for Victory' campaign so any understanding of plants and growing would be like golden jewels of knowledge, those same little gems have made me a very rich person indeed, though I've bugger all money! If I had my time on this earth again I would change nothing and the 40 years I've spent gardening since leaving school has been the most precious and rewarding imaginable. I would wish such contentment for any of today's youngsters, but fear it will not be found through today's conventional route of colleges and courses.