Of Course I Love You .......!

(Letters from Thailand....By Michael Hockham)

The cold stone against my cheek felt euphoric. I pulled my knees to my chest assuming the fetal position, snatched in a lung full of the cool air circulating inches above the tiles, and slowly began the process of logging off from the outside world.
A sharp tug to my left shoulder rolled me onto my back and within a millisecond I had returned to hell. I became aware of bodies congregating around me and even though I couldn't make out what they were saying, their mere presence felt comforting considering the circumstances. The fact that I wasn't alone, medical staff were on hand or would be soon, injected fire into my veins and threw me a rope.
Consciousness slowly clawed it's way back to the surface of the pit I found myself sinking within. I concentrated all of my efforts on the muffled tones emanating from one pretty face leaning over me. Slowly, like raising your once submerged head from watery depths, the muffles sharply became words. The once rounded and fuzzy edges now had beginnings and ends, each word defined and recognisable to those desperate to communicate.....
"Its ok, you will be fine" "The medical team are on their way" or simply "don't worry your in good hands" .....lie to me I don't care .......but please just speak in those confident, assuring medical tones I'm so used to .....speak, speak, speak to me my angel......

"Mr, Mr..... You are insurance?" came the first clear sentence.

The pill was bitter, the rope burnt and I once again rested my head on the much more appealing tiled floor.

Inevitably, these are the very first words you will find regurgitated from the mouths of any would be health care assistant outside of your cotton wool UK shores.

As always, I had left everything to the last minute.
I'd made it as far as the reception counter of the St Louis Hospital in Bangkok before being completely overwhelmed by a long running fever.
Hearing those immortal words offered by many an emergency unit in Thailand after 5pm "Must come back on the another day, Doctor close" I completely lost my already strained grip on the invisible sticks propping me up thus far.
Turning to my panic faced Wife who had primed herself for what was coming, I managed to utter the first few syllables of "can you fucking believe this? This is a hospital right?" before hitting the stone floor with the splat of a deflated, miserable and abused looking used condom.

"Mr, Mr ....... You are insurance?" she asked again, a little more firmly than the previous attempt. She really didn't care about my welfare but hoped that her need for my white covered organs to say "yes" would be disguised by a pinned on smile. A barked insurance request came from the head of finance who knelt over me and asked with an even falser politicians smile......... note they had called her rather than a medically qualified human being........."Need to know if Mr have insurance please."
I pondered for a few seconds on the outcome of my saying no. Would they simply disburse leaving me laying on the floor? Upon asking this very question of a Thai friend and rather influential lawyer here in Bangkok, he answered, and I quote "of course not, that's ridiculous, they would help you to your feet and assist you to the other side of the entrance doors. Security would then prevent your re-entry. Should you die on their grounds it would cost them 300THB to have you removed. (6 quid)
"Thats crazy, and completely in breach of my human rights," I pontificated already tasting his reply before the last syllable left my mouth.
"Human rights?......how long have been in Thailand my friend?" he replied with an all too familiar court room grin.
I didn't need to reply.

A little gang crowded around the stricken foreign cash cow, consisting of bored nursing staff, irrelevant and charge seeking doctors, reception workers and cleaning staff. They were soon replaced by even more specky suit wearing admin workers hell bent on finding some form of insurance I.D.
My Wife saved me and made their day by producing my company insurance card and the change was astounding. Administration staff scurried off fighting each other to feast upon their kill, doctors clicked the meter and nursing staff aided and abetted.

A kidney infection was the outcome following a week within the confines of the "Hotel with IV's."
The treatment consisted of as much as they could bang onto my insurance policy.
Each day brought 4 or 5 new doctors who had formed a line outside my room to get themselves on the final invoice and nursing staff a-plenty documented the whole proceedings with bonus dreaming glee.

My treatment encompassed countless IV's and ridiculous invasive procedures. I'm still not well but 2 grand lighter awaiting reimbursement from the insurance company. The insurers accused the hospital of not following correct procedures when treating me and as such the hospital charged my credit card for the full amount, left as a "policy deposit" by my worried wife upon check in.
They have you by the balls and any English style complaints will be swayed on the Thai side and or filed for a hearing in 2056.

When next complaining about the state of the NHS, place yourself in the shoes of a very wealthy, ageing businessman or woman. Life has been fantastic if not shrouded by a little fantasy and propped up with the most pathetic, plastic and shallow of human beings. At 62 years old you are ready for a change, some reality and depth to your life.
You find it within the warmth and overwhelming attention of a 27 year old lover who professes undying love and a need to share his or her life with you till death do you part.
Life is full ....... as is your sealed box of questions.

Do you really feel the current situation in the UK will be any better with privatisation? Medical staff currently free your arsehole from clingers for the good of your health.....to make you better! They could be picking strawberries for the same money, but they are not. They choose to work within a profession that is still as far as I can see (from our own homegrown nursing staff and not the Philippine imports) a vocation and obviously not about financial reward or gain.

If you want bonus hungry fuck sticks leaving your arse caked with your own excrement simply for the sake of squeezing in yet another unnecessary procedure, be my guest.
For me, as a middle aged man rapidly approaching the incontinence knicker period of ones life and soon to return to the UK................ I don't give a flying fuck, as I will end my days here in a Thai village where family members and the elderly in general are respected and cared for till their last breath and not shipped off to a piss soaked "nursing home" to be bullied to death by revenge seeking pretend medical staff or "twats" who failed their nursing entry exam and visited once a month by obliged, conscience calming relatives.
Throughout or lives in the UK we are pampered by some of the best medical attention your taxpaying bucks can offer...even if you don't pay any, or hail from a different country!
Upon reaching your golden years, a time where you should be reaping some of the benefits of your extensive working lifespan and the commitment you made to your offspring, you are considered a burden and left to the mercy of strangers.

Should I make it to 60, I shall return to Thailand where I'll spend my final days breathing in and out, standing up and sitting down. and raising a pet television set.

With my family raised....I shall care not a jot for personal medical professionalism.
Should you be intending to spend your pension years in the UK I would act now to retain and return the NHS to what it used to be...... And instill some family values into your inheritance seeking clan.

It's a cliche I know, but one that's all too apparent once you move and travel your spotty British arse from mollycoddled and blinkered UK shore lines .........be careful what you wish for!


Michael Hockham - 5 September 2010

(glasshock@me.com)