The Bulldogs Ball-Bag

It has been a long enforced break. Nothing but work, no time for play or journal entries or beer or skittles or even time to scratch me arse.....however I will attempt to post one or two entries a week over the coming month or two.

Women are a constant source of amazement to me generally, there is a tendency to be practical in much and downright annoying in a little.

Last week I had cause to line up behind three ladies at the ticket machine in the Barnard Castle car park. The first took 56 seconds to find her money, enter it into the slot, press the green button and pull out the fucking ticket.......I timed this because of past sheer frustrated experience.

The second was marginally quicker at 45 seconds......

Then came the third; Firstly she took a minute to fumble about in her shopping bag to find her handbag in which resided her purse! She then opened it upside-down and the coins fell into the shopping bag at which point she dropped her handbag. Having spent a further minute fishing the coins out of her shopping bag eventually coming up with the correct combination of currency. Of the three coins required all went well, her hand made it to the slot without need of further assistance, however the third repeatedly went straight through the machine....at which point she pulled a second purse shaped like a bulldogs scrotum from the depths of her handbag and rummaged about in it for a replacement coin which she inserted into the slot at a speed reminiscent of an old style council worker.....having then unsuccessfully attempted to dispense her ticket by continually pressing the red button a spark must have ignited within her brain cell and she pressed the green button........(There is a god).......however the speed of her hand to eye coordination meant that it took almost a full 30 seconds before she was able to grasp the fucking ticket.

Time in total wasted waiting behind this woman? 5 minutes 42 seconds of life!

I took 14 seconds to complete the task. I did not hurry or linger...that is the time it takes.

Ten minutes later at the checkout I stood behind a woman buying 3 bottles of gin who couldn't find her debit card.......I would have felt sorry for her had I not recognised the bulldogs scrotum!!

Its nice to be back.